


The Arrangement

by wolfy_writing



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Deadpool 2 - Freeform, Gen, Missing Scene, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:12:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfy_writing/pseuds/wolfy_writing
Summary: During Deadpool 2, Deadpool and Dopinder have a talk.   Spoilers.





	The Arrangement

Deadpool pulled Dopinder aside. “Hey, you still want to be a contract killer?”

Dopinder’s eyes lit up. “More than anything! Mr. Pool, I believe contract killing is my life’s true purpose!”

“Okay, first, _creepy_. But in a cute way.” Deadpool patted Dopinder’s cheek. “How do you make everything cute? Is it your soft curls that make me want to run my fingers through your hair?” He shook his head. “Anyway, second, I have an opportunity for you. We’re going on a mission, and we’re going up against this absolute human shitstain, this mutant-hating child-torturing pedophile scum.”

“And you want me to help you kill him?”

“Yes! …not exactly. But kind of. …okay, that was confusing. Anyway, one of the kids he tortured, Russel, is out to kill this open sewer in human form, and I have to stop him.”

Dopinder frowned. “But why?”

“Angry time traveler.” Deadpool waved his hand. “And something about teaching him that murder is not the answer to your problems.”

“But murder is the answer to your problems, Mr. Pool. Specifically, the problem of people you don’t like being alive.”

Deadpool nodded. “I remember Bandhu. That was a messy body disposal. You really went to town on him!”

“Yes! Killing him solved my problem! …although, Gita did not become more interested in me after she lost Bandhu.” Dopinder frowned thoughtfully. “Perhaps murder does not solve every problem.”

“Hey!” Deadpool grabbed Dopinder by the shoulder. “Don’t question the value of murder! Otherwise the whole franchise is in trouble!”

“I understand, Mr. Pool.

Deadpool paused. “…you don’t have secret mutant power that will lead to you becoming a force of terror in the future and resulting in more angry buff time-travelers coming back to hunt us down, do you?”

“No, Mr. Pool.”

“That’s a shame. The last one was a hottie!  Anyway, kid can’t kill the pedophile. Normally, I’d kill the pedophile, which would solve everything. Plus, everyone needs a hobby. But this time, I have to be the good example.”

“ _You_?” Dopinder paused. “No offense, Mr. Pool. But… _you_?”

“I know! I’m the last person you’d expect! But the last time I killed a pedo, we ended up with Grimface von Fannypack showing up armed and ready to shoot a child. So the kid can’t kill anyone, and I can’t kill this shitstain. Which leaves my secret weapon. You!”

Dopinder’s eyes lit up. “I’m your secret weapon?”

“Damn straight you are!” Deadpool patted Dopinder on the cheek. “So here’s the deal. We go to stop the kid, and while we’re getting ready, you duck out. Make up some excuse, like how important it is to not damage your silky smooth skin.”

“Will that not be bad for my reputation?” Dopinder asked. “I do not wish to look like a coward in front of you friends.”

“Deception is part of the job. You want to be a contract killer, you have to make sure they don’t see you coming. Be sneaky. Subtle. Practically invisible.”

“Then why are you so obvious?”

“Because, between the two of us, I’m the one who regards bullet wounds as a minor inconvenience. When you can shrug off a decapitation, you can forget about subtlety. In the meantime, let them think you’re weak. They’ll learn how wrong they were.”

Dopinder smiled. “I like the sound of that, Mr. Pool.”

“So what you do is you go back to the cab. Find a weapon. I’m sure someone will have left something. I’m always leaving guns lying around. Anyway, you get your weapon, and at the end, when the fight is over, and I’ve convinced the kid not to kill and gotten Captain Future off our backs, you come out of nowhere and ensure that child-hurting fucker never draws another breath. What do you say?”

“I say it would be my pleasure!”

“Nice! Twenty bucks to make it an official contract. Fifty if you time it so the audience gets a good laugh.”

Dopinder frowned. “What audience, Mr. Pool?”

Deadpool leaned in. “Oh, there’s _always_ an audience, Dopinder.”

Dopinder glanced around. “Are you sure you’re mentally well, Mr. Pool?”

Deadpool broke out into a delighted laugh. “Oh, Dopinder! Not even a little bit. Killing for money absolutely destroys your sanity.” He gave Dopinder a slap on the back. “You’ll learn.”

“You’re saying the job will make me insane?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it in your case. You can’t drown water. Now off to save a child, avert a terrible future, and, with any luck, get myself killed!”

“I beg your pardon?”

Deadpool waved his hand. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. Just be ready for your part.” He walked off. “Yo! Old Man Bucky! I’m ready to go!”


End file.
